I wrote this poem for my twin sister’s best friend who committed suicide. I wrote this in 2009 while I was working at a US national scientific laboratory located in the desert in eastern washington – thus the sage I reference in poem. I wrote this poem immediately after she took her life. This amazing young woman with the beautiful blue eyes would come visit us in New York at our ranch. She helped me paint our barn where the horses live. I can often feel her presence still, years after she is gone. Her spirit lives amongst the horses now.
Sitting in the sage alone, I grieve;
Lavender skies and mountains,
Thinking on everything that is forever.
But, there are days when the lights dim,
When their eyes say farewell;
When the hope of a spirit is erased by despair.
There are times.
Wings set one free,
But, feelings keep one grounded.
It hurts now.
Maybe all journeys are like rivers,
Cutting deep and leaving their mark in time.
My twin sister packed her boxes today.
She stared at the rafters
Where a spirit said, “no more.”
She packed her things,
Alone, in the silence.
Gushing, gasping, clinging….
The river flows no more.
Her blue eyes dimmed alone,
In the silence of those rafters.
Her time on earth was met with silence,
In the darkness of a vacant space.
Instead of choosing life,
She chose a rope and a rafter.
To her mind,
That was peace.
How does one reconcile that?
How do we measure a journey of the human spirit?
So, it is that the river edges forward;
Ever carving new paths and negating others:
Sometimes too early,
Most times, unexplained.
The river ebbs and flows.
But, for others,
I sit in the sage
Begging God to take the pain away.
For Dennis, my twin and Little Lisa,
Who are no more.
I think we have got it all wrong.
It is about the human spirit.
It is about people, not things.
It is about love.
I got here so late,
~ For my wombmate, my twin Lisa, who lost her best friend “little Lisa” to suicide
~ L. Davis, #thepoetfarmer