The Dream (Poem)
This is a poem I wrote of a very vivid dream I had last week. Nature speaks to me, while awake and asleep. This one made me totally take notice. I share my interpretation at the end. It’s been a very powerful one and the most significant dream I have ever experienced in terms of my life.
THE DREAM (Poem)
Two big cats, stalking in moonlight.
Watching intently, studying my palomino mare.
The one in front in late night’s halo,
Black panther, sleek and menacing.
The fidelity of her intent chills my bones.
Off in the distance following behind,
More timid is the follower.
A big cat too.
Golden Mountain Lion, she lags back.
I sense she is hesistant, or just watching,
They both sit on haunches watching Smuggler.
Unaware as she eats her hay.
The night’s moonlight casts contouring lines down their backs.
Hunting, slowly lerking ever closer.
I watch from a distance. Deeply worried.
In a flash, the black panther leaps on Smuggler’s back.
On her, the panther claws her shoulders, digging deep.
Tearing at her neck with her teeth.
Bloodied, now shreaking in pain,
Smuggler trying to shake off this black death.
In horror I run to the corral paddock,
With pitch fork, the only implement I can find.
The battle rages all around,
All while the golden mountain lion watches, deep in the shadows.
The black panther jumps off, runs to the barn.
I run in chase, with my golden and black lab before me.
In the darkness of night I can not see.
My dogs, trying to protect me, have pinned it.
Black dog, black cat, all black.
Gut wrenching, knife twisting darkness.
I am lost at what to spear, no eyesight to direct next moves.
In darkness the moon peaks in,
Silhoutting the contour of her hunched back.
Black cat now visible I thrust,
Praying it reaches her veins.
Pierced with metal tines, she shreaks.
Cat screaming as I stand holding strong.
I can smell warm blood, feel her breath growing shallow.
She turns, her golden eyes look at me.
In her last gasp her eyes soften, resigning her fate.
What is that which I see deep within her?
Her eyes tell a story.
Telling me “thank you” for ending her life.
Golden mountain lion, she watches in the distance.
I feel her too.
In an instant her eyes too flash golden.
I watch her slowly walk away.
She is free.
Into the darkness they both disappear,
One into the woods,
The other, into hell.
The interpretation of this dream? Well, that is interesting. I believe it is the struggle between light and dark, hope and fear. I grew up as a child, laying on my horse’s back. I’d dream there. This is where the black panther attacked. Every animal in this dream was either “light” or “dark”. I believe that the two cats represented fear (the black panther) and hope (the golden cat). When the black cat attacked my horse (light) where I would dream as a girl (it’s neck), I, Lori, decided to fight. In my commitment to fight the black cat (fear), it jumped off my horse (my dream space/safe place). With my two protectors with me (my two dogs — one black and one golden), I was able to kill the black cat (fear). And in the end, it said to me looking back. Thank you. And then, the golden cat (hope/light), was free to travel again on her journey.
This dream is a transformative one for me as I was attacked when I was 20, held at knifepoint in my bed awoken to a voice whispering in my ear that he will kill me, while he shoved his knife on my neck. I was terrified and hated so much that it was dark and I could not see anything….only accute senses of smell, touch and sound. The first miracle of my life I experienced at that moment when I screamed to God in my head, “please save me”. In a flash, I remembered an article I had read when I was little about a man who broke into an old woman’s house and tried to rape/kill her. She witnessed to him about God. He left. In that moment I did what the old woman did in the article, I put my free hand on the attacker’s face. (The other hand was trying to keep the knife from going any deeper into my neck). When I touched his face I told him that he did not want to pay the price for what he was about to do and that God loved him. And, in that next nano-second, a huge amount of energy shot through my left hand and into his body. I kid you not. It was like fire hot heat searing my fingers. In that second, he went from tearing off my clothes to stopping and saying, “what did you just do to me?” “do I know you?” “Is your name Lisa?”
First, that energy that shot through my hand was real, he felt it. For whatever reason, it personalized me to him – go figure. And, the wierd part, my twin’s name is Lisa. I am also left handed. That was the hand that held his face – the hand I create with writing poetry and drawing. It is my hand of feeling.
God had different plans that night for me.
I believe my dream last week was my final victory over my fears through a replay of what happened to me in animal form taking all that made me, what happened to me that night, and my older wiser self…and merging that into a story that finally let me move on/forward/through. In this dream I fight through pitch darkness to stab ‘fear’ in the neck with a metal object. There’s great irony in that! The knife marks on my neck are long gone, but not until my dream was I really willing to let the scars inside disappear sending them back to hell where they came from. In that dream my safe space had been violated. The darkness haunted me there. I overcame that darkness and killed it and it said thank you. It was time for it to go. And, I was the golden mountain lion, free to now begin my life again free from the haunting. I was always that golden mountain lion. Yet, I could not ever truly reach her. Now I can. Indeed, that has been the most powerful dream of my entire life and why it really never felt like a dream but rather a surreal ‘other’ state where I was taught to ‘let go’. Who can explain this?
I think when you come across people who’ve conquered their fears and their own ‘broken’ for whatever reason, be it physical, emotional or spiritual, it inspires one to tackle their own. The night I had that dream I had just had dinner with a very special person who’d overcome more than most humans could imagine. What I noticed when watching her — she lived without fear. She was a force of courage. And she is a survivor. I’ve never had a female role model. In the world I’ve been in I’ve always been the only female in a man’s world. There is no place in that world for weakness or failures. I’ve always buried my personal issue of fear and masked it well. To see a woman, a pioneer, a warrior overcome, was what happened before I had that dream.
I wish women could have access to more female role models. I think that power to heal would be transformative. Absolutely!
Who knows. Life is funny that way. Maybe it’s all connected somehow. I’ll never know. But, I’ll never forget that dream and more importantly, I’ll never forget that lesson – to become fearless and become the warrior I always have been but with a keener sense of my own resilience and strength.
~ L. Davis